Atheist to Theist
Why Become a Christian?
We all have a framework we need to work off of to understand the world. There is nothing we can prove, not even our own existence. We have to take some things as self-evident. "I think therefore I am", Descartes. Mathematics proves itself right over and over again (at least fundamental math does). E.g. We can see and prove that one plus one equals two and four times eight equals 32.
There comes a point where we have to have faith, accept some things to be true in order to function in reality, or least in the reality we share with other people. For example, we all accept that the color of the day time sky is usually blue, the color of the picture below is some kind of purple. There is no way to prove that purple is purple except by a societal consensus that we define that portion of the color spectrum as a distinct color grouping and we call it 'purple' (or whatever it's called according to each language).
There are a lot of things like that in life. God is one of those things that is immeasurable, not easily defined or proven in the world of science or math because He cannot be measured. Yet God is very real, so long as there are humans to perceive Him, the same way that color is very real even while blind people cannot see it. Many people would argue that God exists whether we believe in Him or not, and that human perceptions of the physical world, such as color also exists whether a human is there to perceive purple or not. Color is very difficult to explain to someone who has never seen it. Yet, purple is a real thing that has significance to people who can see it.
Let's imagine for a moment that purple is not a real thing and it's just a human perception. Does that fact that it may not exist outside of human perception make it any less valid? Most of existence is understood by humans based on perceptions and not on measurable facts. Most of the beliefs we hold have not been proven "beyond a reasonable doubt" in a laboratory setting. We are all functioning in the world based on faith, faith that what we believe to be true is true.
So the question is, what are you going to choose to put your faith in? Most of my life I've tried to get as close to the truth as possible by deeply immersing myself in science, math, anthropology, psychology and looking to those who are most educated to inform me. When I was an Agnostic and Atheist, science became like a religion. I only believed in what could be measured with humans' five physical, measurable senses. I was very dogmatic and strict about what versions of reality I would allow into my life. The only truth was science. I only considered believing things (putting 'faith' into things) if they had been tested using the scientific method, and the more peer reviews, the more I would allow it to become a foundation of my world view. But, like a good scientist, I never accepted things as absolute fact, there is always some doubt. A new study could come out tomorrow and pull the rug out from under any belief I held, except that I exist and that fundamental math is right. Those two beliefs were self-evident, and they were the only two I would accept as absolute fact.
The trouble is that we don't know enough science, at least not at this stage in humanity, to explain things about the universe and existence to a satisfying degree with a satisfying amount of confidence.
In fact, a lot of science is driven by corporations, governments and whoever has money to pay a research team. Questions are asked (hypotheses are created) that move forward corporate and government agendas. Scientists are not completely free to study along the path of discovering what is truth because they have to make a living and study whatever someone will pay them to study. Universities have to keep a reputation and keep receiving funding, so they accept applicants to masters and doctorate programs who wish to study certain topics for their thesis. If conclusions come up that are contrary to mainstream, 'scientific consensus', it is not always celebrated as it would be if we were looking just looking for truth. The researcher, supervisor and the university all have incentive to avoid publishing that kind of work because none of them want to be embarrassed, lose credibility or lose funding over potential controversy. Researchers, people who have worked so hard to get to that level of education, risk losing all credibility if they go against modern consensus, even slightly. There is a saying, "Publish or perish" in the university world. Reputation is everything; discovering the truth, to move humanity forward in knowledge, is not the priority. Ironically, science ends up losing credibility because there is so much pressure not to go contrary to current consensus, especially when it relates to politics or social issues or could have an economic impact.
There are very few pieces of knowledge that don't require some level of faith. Too much faith is placed in science. Scientists who preach hypotheses, even well-tested hypotheses, as absolute fact are no better than Pastors, Priests, Rabbis, Imams, or any other clergy. Continuous, endless doubt is part of what made science so respectable. Continuous, endless doubt is part of the scientific method. When we test hypotheses, we are supposed to be trying to disprove the hypothesis, not trying to confirm it. When a hypothesis has been deemed to be tested enough to take it as truth, scientists say that it is proven "beyond a reasonable doubt". Ultimately, unless we are reading a published and peer reviewed study ourselves, we are blindly relying on 'scientists' who are funded to tell us what reality is. Science has become a religion run by governments, corporations, and whoever is willing to pay to have a study conducted. It is no better than any other religion.
So, pick your religion. In Atheism and Agnosticism I found a lot of good. For many years I felt empowered and certain. I was in charge. I was excited to create my life, to be the one who's in control and the one who is taking on the world. I relied only on facts, so my decisions would be better than the vast majority of people who believe in 'fairytales' (religion) to get them through life. I was brave enough to face 'reality' and I would keep fighting to become the smartest, the fastest, and conquer everyone else. That actually worked for a long time.
Eventually, my achievements bored me. I started running out of impressive goals to achieve. I worried I might be on the verge of becoming a little lost, like I was approaching a void in outer space. We are so tiny and insignificant in the grand space of existence. After it's all been achieved, what's the purpose? Turns out, accomplishing goals didn't change much in my internal world. The thrill of winning doesn't last long. More things to brag about, didn't make me feel more worthy, less lonely, like I have a purpose, like life has meaning or like I was suffering any less. No amount of 'positive thinking', admiration, or proverbial trophies made me happy and I was running out of ideas.
I studied people who were unbelievably happy. I befriended them, got into a romantic relationship with one, and observed from afar as well. I don't mean that these people were super happy sometimes or just when life was working in their favor. These people were always very, very happy under any circumstance. Like that blow up clown doll that keeps popping up with a smile no matter how hard you punch it.
Can you tell I found them a little annoying? How did they do it? Just awesome brain chemistry? Is that even healthy? How did their ancestors even survive if they just turn around and try to make friends with the lion that's chasing them? There is no sense of worry in their bodies. There is no sustained grief, pain, or suffering. They actually can't fully comprehend clinical depression or anxiety; they just think it's a choice or a matter of positive thinking. I always thought those people must be stupid. Too stupid to know the imminent dangers associated with being alive. But it turns out that they just have an entirely different perspective on the world, reality, existence. They have God.
Now, it took me years to begin to understand what their perspective is. It was not easy or quick to change my entire worldview; everything I had worked so hard to achieve; to admit to myself that my way might not have been the best way, all this time. The God perspective is no less intelligent than the perspective I had as an Atheist. This was so difficult for me to soften up to.
Ultimately, life as an Atheist wasn't really worth living. No amount of achievement proved my self-worth, no amount of learning answered questions about why we're here, what's the meaning, what's the purpose, and where do I go next; what's the point of achieving the next thing, what's the point of going through more suffering? Also, people suck, they're all stupid, why am I on Earth with all these idiots?
I decided that if life had no meaning anyway, if we're all just going to die and be forgotten and nothing we do really matters because we're just a blip in history, a being made of earth that will go back to unconscious earth, then why not set aside my pride in my intelligence, set aside the mission for 'truth' and just do as the happy, stupid people do. At least I could try to end my suffering.
As I opened up to Christianity, I began to have epiphanies. I realized that being Christian is a life choice; a choice of framework to build my psychology upon, a choice of perspective to view the world and reality of existence. It's just a choice. I'm not saying that I proved it to be unequivocally true. But, the funny thing is that Christianity is something that becomes true to whoever believes in it. God is real. Not just in my imagination, but I experience God because I believe in Him.
"Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God." John 3:18
That statement, John 3:18, is not a threat, as I would have perceived it when I was an Atheist, it is just a truth that I found to be true from personal experience. When I didn't believe, I had no basis to believe in my worth or other people's worth. Life had no meaning (or I would come up with meanings like, to be happy, to do good, to live a full life, to contribute, to minimize suffering, but they are transient, none were long-term fulfilling). There was also no reason for suffering, yet life was like being in a perpetual hurricane. Sometimes life got better, but soon to find out, I was just in the eye of the storm. And my life was, and is, pretty good. So if I wasn't happy under good circumstances, then what was the problem? The problem was that I didn't believe in God.
I mean, if this guy can be happy, I must be getting something wrong.
Now, this next passage is about Jesus, not the enviably happy man in the picture, above.
"He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. 21 Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God.22 Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart. 23 For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. 24 For,“All people are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field;the grass withers and the flowers fall,25 but the word of the Lord endures forever.”And this is the word that was preached to you." 1 Peter 1:20-25
The Visit of the Wise Men
2 Now after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, wise men[a] from the east came to Jerusalem, 2 saying, “Where is he who has been born king of the Jews? For we saw his star when it rose[b] and have come to worship him.” 3 When Herod the king heard this, he was troubled, and all Jerusalem with him; 4 and assembling all the chief priests and scribes of the people, he inquired of them where the Christ was to be born. 5 They told him, “In Bethlehem of Judea, for so it is written by the prophet:
6 “‘And you, O Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, are by no means least among the rulers of Judah; for from you shall come a ruler who will shepherd my people Israel.’”
7 Then Herod summoned the wise men secretly and ascertained from them what time the star had appeared. 8 And he sent them to Bethlehem, saying, “Go and search diligently for the child, and when you have found him, bring me word, that I too may come and worship him.”9 After listening to the king, they went on their way. And behold, the star that they had seen when it rose went before them until it came to rest over the place where the child was. 10 When they saw the star, they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy. 11 And going into the house, they saw the child with Mary his mother, and they fell down and worshiped him. Then, opening their treasures, they offered him gifts, gold and frankincense and myrrh. 12 And being warned in a dream not to return to Herod, they departed to their own country by another way"
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